Posted this on Twitter and Facebook. Since it's "creative" in nature, and I'm trying to keep track of some creative writing here on the blog this year, I'd better post this in belated form. The good news is: the subject matter of the haiku has ceased. Hooray!


6 a.m. Loud cats
Outside my window. Frisky.
It must be spring now.

Some days success alights upon me:
I'm a helpful volunteer at school, I finish my freelance assignment with confidence, I've exercised and prepared a healthy meal for dinner.
Look—a beam of light is shining upon my brow, crowning me for a day well done!

Some days feel defeated when the day has just begun:
Why do I obsess over small things and keep fussing at the kid?
What happened to my attempt at being more laid back?
Why do I want an entire box of Cheez-Its and Diet Coke to be my lunch?

Most days fall somewhere in between:
some failures; some victories; lots of learning along the way.

When I focus on futile attempts at perfection, I'll only remember the defeated days. Or I'll discount the victories that happened on those in between days.

But beauty can be found in each day when I look for it.
Beauty can be found in me too.

Those scuffs and scratches and bent edges of me testify to the wisdom I've gained in trial and error. And today is no different. I've already experienced parental regret in one hour but found confidence in facing a scary task the next—and it's not even noon yet!

So here's to facing today's trial and error, successes and defeats.
And finding the grace to try again tomorrow.

Not all of us are patient enough teach. I count myself among that number.

Although I've taught in small groups and youth groups over the years, though I've taught my child a thing or two, and though I've had to teach a few tasks in the workplace, I struggle to remain a patient instructor. Clearly I can see what needs to be done. Clearly I understand how to do it myself. And when it takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r for someone else to grasp what I already know, I can be a wee bit huffy.

[Sidebar: Because I have a tendency to get frustrated and bossy, especially with my own kin, that's why Steve taught Kaelyn how to ride a bike. That's also why some day it will be Steve who teaches her to drive. I'm already planning on staying far away!]

Have you ever had to teach people something that comes naturally to you? You may wish the lesson to be over. Or you may just not want to see them struggle any longer. In those moments, it's easy to want to grab the task back out of their hands and just do it yourself.

[Sidebar: Insert SNL skit here where Jimmy Fallon plays "your company's computer guy" and yells "MOVE!" to fix a problem himself. Love that!]

But if we're patient enough to allow people to struggle a bit in the learning process, they will grow because of it. They will have to figure it out. If we take over, they learn nothing.

I wonder if that's what God does for us. When I pray, I seek the easy solution. Whatever causes the least amount of struggle for me, for those I love. And sometimes those burdens are lifted. But what about when they aren't? Is God simply ignoring us?

Perhaps God isn't standing far away, doing nothing. Perhaps He's committing the biggest action of all: restraint.

What if God knows that the burdens we struggle with will make us amazing people in the long run? He sees the pain that we endure. But He also sees the end result. Have you ever imagined how hard it is for God to NOT take over? Does His heart break as He holds back His power in order to let us grow?

We'll never fully understand Him. But today this perspective causes me to keep trusting.

So, about a month ago, my favorite kid in the world turned 7, and I didn't even blog about it here. What a slacker mom I am! :)

It was a whirlwind month of February at times, but I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to say something nice about my daughter.

This was our first party outside of home, and it was a blast. Bowling with a big group of kids is super fun. They were all great and seemed to enjoy themselves. Kaelyn ended up being a good bowler (good thing; yay bumper lanes!) and seeing her excited and with quality friends and cousins was the best part of the day. Because I didn't want to post anyone's else's kid's photos on here, the pic above is the only one we have to show Kaelyn at the bowling alley. Lots of video.

But here is a year-in-review, with photos and commentary by a proud mom:

Kaelyn, I am happy to watch who you've become. You're funny (like Daddy):
You're generous:
You work hard to meet your goals:

You love God:
And you love people:
And we have the best times with you:
Though I can't believe you're already 7, I enjoy all the big conversations and big fun that we have as you grow.

Love you, Kaelyn!

I've had two incidents this week when I've realized that I've hurt people. One was a recent conversation and the other was something I'd done long ago. And this same week I also witnessed a third incident where a person had been hurt by an omission. I was more of an outsider on that one, but I was part of it nonetheless.

What is going on this week? What is God trying to teach me?

At first I reeled from seeing my faults. I felt justified in my initial actions. I said what was true. What was necessary. I couldn't help that someone else felt bad in the long run. So why should I feel bad?

Then I realized I am just like those hurt people. At least twice a month (maybe twice a week?) I feel miffed and sad and hurt by something I see as a slight. Only later do I understand that I might have been extra sensitive and that the intent of others wasn't as mean as I'd conjured in my mind.

So I put myself in these three individual's situations. How would I have felt if I was on the receiving end of my words, my actions, my oversight?

It's easy for me to see when others are harsh with the truth. Just because a person is right or has an opinion doesn't mean these views have to be thrown in a person's face or dumped ungraciously in someone's lap. I claim to be a victim of this behavior all the time.

But what about when I'm the bully? When I feel attacked, I can zing back with the best of them. When I'm frustrated and feel like I'm not being heard, I loudly lament and hope someone feels sorry for me.

This is not the kind of person I want to present to the world. This is not the kind of role model I want to be for my daughter. There is a way to speak (and act on) the truth in love. I just have to take the time to find that way.

And so I had to apologize. Three times.

It's never easy. I hope that next week less reparation is necessary. :) I know I'll still stick my foot in my mouth. But maybe it will start to happen less.

I love words. Well-chosen verbiage captures my attention and stirs me inside. You could say that great writing speaks to me. ;)

My love of words led me to a journalism degree in college and then to a job as an editor for 11 years. I did have to brush up on my grammar in order to edit. It often came naturally to me; I felt what was correct and incorrect, even when I couldn't recall the exact rules.

My strengths involved the main idea. When you first choose a manuscript to publish, you work with an author to develop a story. Make sure it stays focused. Ensure the true meaning is conveyed to the reader. Then you proofread the details.

One detail I occasionally had to fix was verb tense. Authors choose to use present tense ("he says") or past tense ("she said") in a story. Rarely an author might slip up and switch tenses.

Last January, a dear, dear friend switched tenses. Kathy had an amazing life story focused on one main idea: loving Jesus. Nothing could shake the joy and hope she conveyed to others. But I found it so hard to switch tenses in speaking of her. I still want to refer to her as with us, present tense rather than past. She still remains in my heart daily. And I know she remains a present tense with the Lord.

Today, just over a year after Kathy's passing, I am heartbroken to find out that another friend has switched tenses. The same foe is to blame: cancer.

Suzanne's focus has been fierce. The main idea of her story has been loving her family and making every effort and sacrifice to retain her health and strength. Her humor and wit has never been phased. She has regaled us with tales from the absurd to the painful but always with spirit and smiles. Book club has had many entertaining stories outside the bound pages we read—thanks to Suzanne!

Early this morning, Suzanne's details changed. And I now have to proofread my words to speak of her in the past tense. It remains the hardest editing I have to do.

Because the watercolor above looks like my child did it, even though in actuality I did it, this is a humbling post. But I wanted to bravely share my mediocrity here to talk about our challenge at church.

2013 has been declared the Year of Creativity at Echo Church. Creativity is being pursued corporately in our worship services, in our church giving, and in our small group studies. We were also challenged to pursue creativity in our personal lives.

I thought of some ideas. First, I'm taking a photo a day via my phone and posting them on Instagram. Second, I'm going to try and blog more. Third, I hope to do some other things like writing more for me, continuing to read fun novels, and be purposeful about communicating with God and seeking Him daily.

The book we are all experiencing in our small groups is: Making a Mess and Meeting God by Mandy Smith. One quote in the intro describes the focus of the book: "Our efforts to comprehend and connect with God usually involve so many words—reading, praying, journaling, listening, talking, thinking, singing. Can we add to these the possibility of learning and connecting through holding, shaping, walking, sitting, standing, making, and doing?"

I gravitate toward words most often. So I want to push myself to connect with God through those other ways listed. Steve noted at the beginning of the year that we create tons of art as kids with no self-consciousness about it. But then we may shy away from creating art as adults because we don't have time or it's not good enough.

Making a Mess kicked off by trying to awaken that playful spirit and create for fun and not worry about how perfect or imperfect it looks. So I tried it out. It's been years since I played with watercolors. I'm not an artist in that sense by any means. But I found Kaelyn's art set and had fun.

The scene I attempted to paint is the vista I observe when I go to the Urban Active gym in Bellevue, KY and look at the city of Cincinnati and the Ohio River (including the yellow "Big Mac" bridge on the left). It was a beautiful morning last Tuesday, and it made me appreciate all the beauty God makes; so I was trying to capture my happiness in the view. Thanks for letting me share my childlike fun!

Icy fingers numb
Out in the cold, awaiting
Dead volts giv'n new breath

(A haiku ode to my car's dead battery this frigid 7-degree morning; thankfully Steve was able to help!)

There's a possibility that I jotted down some entertaining life lessons from 2012 that I wanted to share here on the ole blog at year's end. But then I perhaps forgot to write in the midst of my relaxing end-of-year winter break with my family. And then last week it's assumed that I remembered but seemed to have misplaced my notes. Alas, that's how I roll: good intentions, efforts begun, thoughts lost in a pile somewhere. (Physical pile, digital pile or mental pile!)

So, better late than never, right? Right? Anyone? Bueller?

That's what I thought. Oh well, this is for my own entertainment anyway. If anyone else cares about a year-recapping list from 2012, feel free to read along:

• I faced a fear: this claustrophobe went up in a tiny elevator of the St. Louis arch. See the photo above? Although I may not have appreciated it at the time, I'm glad Steve took evidence of me surviving the slow, 2-minute ascent in the tiny bubble we were crammed in. As you can see, my daughter is providing strength to her mother. :) Deep breaths. I loved the view once we got to the top! But just thinking about the tight quarters of that contraption right now has me panicking a little. Needless to say, I did it once, but I'll never do it again!

• I challenged a bad habit: Usually justifying my daily dose of Diet Coke by thinking of others who drink more than I do, I finally realized it's probably not the best thing to be addicted to. And I found out I could survive without drinking it daily! Of course, splurging now and then is still fun.

• I formed a good habit: the Echo ladies read through a small group book that got us into the habit of reading our Bibles. Again, not perfect at this. But it renewed my desire to get into God's Word and truly learn from Him, about Him.

• I saw amazing strength in my friends: One friend became a single parent foster mom. Another began a whole new kick-butt lifestyle after facing a cancer diagnosis. Still another served, glowed, and rested in God's strength in the most beautiful way until she passed on into His very presence last January.

• I visited some cool cities: our family went to St Louis in the spring, Orlando in the summer, and Steve and I trekked to Chicago in the fall. Fun sights and activities in each location. I'm grateful for three great trips.

• I saw live theatre: (Yes, I like to spell theatre that way.) In October I got to see a special sneak preview of Brighton Beach Memoirs @ the Playhouse in the Park. Though it's right around the corner from us, I hadn't been in that theatre in a while, and it was a fun outing with fun friends, and the cast was terrific. Not a weak character in the bunch! What a performance! Then in December I saw The Importance of Being Earnest @ the Cincinnati Shakespeare Theatre. Again, fun outing with fun people and a nice job by the actors. I always enjoy plays there.

• I cheered on a champion: Yes, my UK Wildcats won the NCAA men's basketball championship last spring. I was more than a little happy about that.

• I was reminded of what was important: After being spared from a too-close fire at our condo unit, our family reevaluated our most prized possessions. We gained a summer full of family bonding. Neighbors became friends. And we learned just how much we love our community after being away from it for six weeks.

There are just a few experiences I didn't want to forget from last year. Now that I'm half a month into 2013, I'll leave my 2012 mental piles alone and see what new things come my way.

Once upon a time, in the wilderness of life, a girl found a trail and wandered toward the brightness that seemed to call to her, beyond the edge of the horizon. As she went, the sun shone down and filled her with joy. Sights and sounds captured her imagination.  She just had to write it down. 

Snippets and poems and small scraps of paper abounded, filled with whatever subject came to alight on her attention.

Meanwhile, when she wasn't scribbling, she was reading. Snuggled in her nooks along the path, she had many stops in her journey, too swept away by stories to walk far that day. But no matter—those pages took her to new places. She didn't want to stop!

As time went on, the girl grew. And the trail had more obstacles to overcome to maneuver down the path. Without noticing it, she became distracted from observing and writing and resting and reading. Until it had been far too long since those impulses took over. 

But one day, there was a beam of sunshine peeking through the branches above. And the girl stopped. And noticed. And smiled.

In September of 2012, Steve and I attended a conference called Story. And it reminded me of how little I'd been using my creativity in ways I used to, such as writing for my enjoyment. Seeds were planted in my mind. Nothing concrete. But thoughts brewed.

This fall, I've had the chance to read more than usual. And I have scooped up works of fiction to savor. Just for enjoyment. Appreciating good storytelling and of course noting what I would have done differently!

Next, I had a couple of opportunities at the end of the year to share stories with Kaelyn and her peers. I realized I missed storytelling.

Finally, Steve gave our church a challenge on Sunday. He has declared 2013 the Year of Creativity for Echo Church. He reminded us that we freely created more often as kids. So why did we stop?

All of this has me thinking. And I hope it will have me reading more, writing more. And I'll try to share it on here. I'm not sure what yet. But with blue ink, medium point in hand—this year might have have some of my scribblings on it.